She taught us how to love.

We sat around the tables in class. The sterile room was dark except for bright, flickering images projected against the wall behind her. She was our teacher. She spoke in long, winding, delicious sentences. Great twisted piles of silver, shimmery snakes were suspended in front of each student. And as she spoke I imagined those snakes to move and slide against one another. I would reach out to them and their gentle movement would give me a warm sensation. They danced and swam in the air, caressing my finger tips and arms; sending me into pure ecstasy. I felt so warm, as if I were being baked - being made ready to eat. My chest was peeling back, I was exposed and open hearted.

In my dream, I took a class on how to love.

My paid LJ account is about to expire. Which I feel is good timing, because - as cliche as it sounds - something in me, or an old 'me' is about to expire, too.

It's not melancholy or morbid or poetic. It's just metaphorical death.

Ha ha!

But yes, I don't know what I'll update about during my transition. So perhaps this livejournal may die, too.

I can't predict that though.

I can't predict anything!

I like it that way.

I'm no good at LJing anymore.

But, to keep you updated (this is me thinking I have readers) here's some news:

First semester of university is OVER! I am officially on my 7 week holiday. So excellent. I feel so relieved and happy - which is a little worrying, should I be missing it?

I just got back from a 10 day trip to Malaysia with my family. We went primarily to visit my chinese relatives. Which proved eventful. I have many chinese relatives over there - none of whom I recognised. But they were all so loud and boisterous; they were a lot of fun!
We ate so much great Malaysian food when we were over there: mee, roti, curries, red bean buns, kways. We also went to Sukau and stayed on the river. We went on safaris at dawn and spotted orangutans, proboscis monkeys, snakes, crocodiles & pygmy elephants. I also peed in virgin rainforest! Huzzah! I have peed all over the world!

Morgan and I are leaving for New York in just 4 days. I am way excited! You should be following our blog: bunandtoast.tumblr.com to keep updated on our trip. There are links to our twitter, etc from there, too.

And to keep updated with me, personally, try following my twitter @hannahmarymei - because I hardly update here anymore! :(

My brain is feeling pretty jelly-like and extra-stupid today. Must be caused by involuntarily waking up @ 7am.

On with news! So, on the plate we have:

1.
m0rgasm and I are officially heading off to the BIG APPLE this June 15th. We are more psyched than you could ever imagine. Also, Morgan will be losing her travelling virginity on this trip - and I can't wait to watch her explode in happiness.


2.
Bun & Toast is doing pretty well, we have some projects we're doing - both for ourselves and for others. (By the way, yes - we do commissioned projects! Anything from illustration to photography and media production) And our trip to NYC will definitely enduce some spontaneous art attacks with our American friends. We cannot wait to meet and make connections with other artists/designers/filmmakers from such a cultured city!


3.
Although I sometimes feel as if uni has faded into the background for me, I'm keeping on top of it all and have been really happy with the results!

Joy, joy, joy ... basically.

Morgan and I created a poster to call out for any creative teams/individuals who were interested in contributing to a creative event to be held in the near future.

The event is in response to art gigs and exhibitions we have grown tiresome of: the ones which are littered with 'do not touch signs', the ones with the alienating atmosphere - where the audience are mere spectators and the artists are untouchable. We believe art is about recreating your own world, and what better than to do so in an interactive event where collaboration is encouraged and everything is allowwed to be played with, manipulated and touched by artists and audiences alike!

Interested? Email us! bunandtoast@gmail.com

Bun & Toast perform a spontaneous photoshoot at the Thames st Ferry Wharf in Balmain.

bunandtoast.tumblr.com
for photos, films, stories, art & imaginary worlds/creatures.

Since my uni break began I have been performing street guerilla art attacks with m0rgasm, working, eating chicken burgers, slurping at es kendal, stealthily recording with audio equipment for uni, editing said audio, stealing wifi from behind apartment buildings, stocking up on vinyls at record fairs, missing the days I use to drink root beer, baking bread every other day, drawing again, writing until I'm bleary eyed and working on Bun & Toast.

Dear life,

you're pretty ok.

Love from your pal,
Hannah

So far, my easter long weekend has been amazing.

Last night, I had yet another adventure with my dearest friend, m0rgasm. (But more on that next entry)

Today, after maple spelt muesli at centennial park, I went gallivanting through the woods searching for pine cones and 'Y-sticks' to make sling-shot weaponry.







Later in the day, my mother and I went to the rocks, where we visited the Yayoi Kusama: I love myself exhibition at the MCA. After having our eyes boggled by illusionary installations and dotty prints and paintings we moseyed down to the artisan crafts markets where we bought some handmade accessories.





I finished my night with a cone of Gelatissimo's new chocolate sorbet (which, may I say, is INCREDIBLE) and a kick ass Chinese martial arts film.

That's all folks!

I go through down times.

Nothing to feel sorry about. They usually last up to a fortnight. During this time I feel blue and lonely. I isolate myself and stay indoors a lot, watch television a lot, read a lot, dream a lot. I can describe my blues as feeling like a physical lump of ugly, fatty feelings knotted up in my chest. It sometimes spasms, which makes me cry and blubber uncontrollably. And sometimes it just sits; a big ball of cynicism - causing me to blame and complain about anything and anyone. But I know this sort of feeling comes and goes, so as much as I want to do something drastic like catch a plane to Nepal or yell mean things to strangers on the street, I just ride the feeling out. I just wait, knowing that it will go away.

And when it does go away; when the cloud passes, when the snail pokes it's head out from it's shell - I suddenly feel shiney and new. It was almost as if my time buried underneath the surface was incubation. Because when it's over, I have a new lease for life and hundreds of new ideas.

My chinese zodiac is the snake. And similarly, when a snake sheds it's skin it has to hide whilst it goes through the long and arduous process. But finally, when the skin has been shed, the snake is new and goes about it's business.

I think from now on, whenever I get my blues I'm going to remember that I'm simply shedding an old skin, and making way for the new.

Why do I love art? (And by art, I am all inclusive; I'm one of those people that believes art is all encompassing and happens in everything, is everything)

Well, because it transports me to new worlds. In art I can experience a wealth of new feelings.

"What makes you happy?" a stranger once asked me.

I paused, then replied, "Feelings. Things I feel."

I just love how I can watch a film and then, for days after, go about my usual duties in this external world, but have my head and heart swimming in an internal world created by the sounds, colours, texts and imagery of something I only watched.

Art is something that only needs to be witnessed. Some words on a page, some words spoken to you, some colours shown to you - and yet, just by reading, listening, seeing - your mind interprets, and your whole body can perceive a whole new world. Art communicates new worlds. Art gives you the tools to feel new worlds.

Interpret the external and make it internal.

That's what I want to do with my life: I want to share my internal world with the external world.

I will make the internal external, and you will take my art and you'll make of it your own internal world.

So that, like me, you might see the world through a pair of new eyes every time you experience a piece of art.

I want to share with you the characters from my dreams, the landscapes in my mind and the multicolour sea in which swim my feelings and concepts - melting and intertwining.

What makes me happy?
Feelings. Things I feel.

Waiting for the bus last night I heard drunkards singing loudly on the sidewalk - as per usual. However, as they came closer I noticed they were singing something familiar; 'Je ne regrette rien' by Edith Piaf.

I beamed. I felt so utterly grateful and excited.

The universe hands me little symbols in my day to day life to let me know, "you're where you're meant to be".

As the bus arrived and I stepped in, I heard the drunkards break from their song and shout,

"I DON'T REGRET NOTHING"

Je ne regrette rien.

Time for the obligatory "what's going on" post!

Well, today was the first day of my 'new life' - my new life as a student, that is.

Ok, so you're all wondering how I can be at university already when I only just recently talked about applying for uni in Canada.

I changed my mind.

When the Sydney offers came in I found out that I had been offered a place in my first preference course - which, I never ever expected. So, after much writhing around on the floor in painful indecision I decided that I would stay in Sydney and do the course that I love, instead of going off overseas to do a course I wasn't 100% sure about. I figured I'd save the living overseas for exchange or for my masters degree.

Last week was 'O week'. I ate many a free barbecue lunch, met many, many new people, went out on the town with enormous crowds of students and joined some fun student clubs (the ultimate frisbee team, the film society and the theatre repertory). I didn't have high expectations for university, so I would say I was pleasantly surprised with Orientation. It all felt right, university just fits. I especially enjoyed observing the diversity, the laid-back attitudes and the atmosphere.

At the welcome I tried to keep the corners of my mouth from curling up; I had this goofy grin plastered on my face for the whole day. I just kept thinking, "woah, I'm a university student!" whilst I was weaving my way through crowds of hundreds of new students.

Today I went to my first lecture. I only have the one lecture on Mondays, so this is how the new routine goes: Lecture on Monday, then I go to work. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday I have lectures, tutorials and workshops. Friday is my day off uni and I work.

I feel grown up.

But with this goofy grin, I'm pretty sure I'm still 7 years old on the inside.

Don't you love the future? You never know what's going to happen.

I know myself well enough to know I am organic; always flowing and ebbing like moving water. I cannot predict that one moments' desire will be present the next.

I feel as if I go through my own seasons. If so, then I have left the playfulness and newness of spring and have arrived at a warm and passionate summer.

I crave hot spices (warm cinnamons, chilli chocolates), blood reds, bright fires and inescapably tragic love. I wish to feel everything ten fold. To have my senses overwhelmed.

My chest feels as if it were a sponge, and it has thirstily drunk up the remains of a scalding bath. I feel as if it were my bath, I had soaked and soaked, until now - my toes look like plump, wrinkled prunes. I could eat them. My skin is wet and shining, I am a slippery snake. I am summer.

I spend so much time in anticipation; so much time being excited about what's to come.

Then, the future arrives and I feel as if I haven't got a clue. I don't know how to act, how to feel - I feel only fear. Irrational fear. The kind that makes me curl into my shirt, chin pressed against my stomach, walled in by fabric; a snail hiding in it's own shell.

Excitement has been replaced with terror.

I struggle to understand myself; to answer my own questions. To make sense of me.

I don't see what there is to be afraid of.

Except maybe change. Just change.

1. I changed my mind.

2. I have the day off tomorrow! Morgan and I are going to culture ourselves by watching a theatre piece, 'The Smile off Your Face' and El Guincho, live.

3. I think I like Gossip Girl.